WaitNcReeseN08

Today I weighed in and I was pleasantly surprised. Surprised because I actually lost weight.  I’m down 3.4 lbs since last Tuesday.  I’m happy because if the truth be told I have not been sticking to my diet 100% but since I’ve lost I’m happy.  That was all I needed to get me to stay on track.  I had a mini goal of being 180 by christmas.  With this weeks loss I now believe that I can actually reach  my goal.  Hopefully this week will be  a good week.

It’s been a couple of days since I’ve “recommitted” myself to losing weight, however, I’m struggling.  I know what my goal is, I know what I need to do to get there but I’m finding it hard to stay on track.  I wake up in the morning and I’m committed 110%.  However, as the day progresses I find my committment level getting lower and lower and lower.  By dinnertime I’m really struggling.  I’ve lost weight and succeeded in the past.  I used to get up at 5am, go the gym, shower, go to class, work, bed and then get up and do the same the next day.  Now, I don’t know what my problem is because everday is a struggle.  Maybe because that was back when I didn’t have a child, no boyfriend and no bills. 

How do i do it?  How do i keep focused and keep pressing through when I’m tired, hungry and want a big fat candy bar? I heard this saying that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” (courtesy of the nutrisystem discussion boards) but sometimes, even if for just a few minutes, Ben & Jerrys’ cookie dough ice cream comes very close.

My boyfriend I have been together for almost 3 years, we share everything and tell one another everything, except my weight.  Since we have been together he has always asked but I have never divulged my weight.  Why? Am I Embarrassed? Am I Ashamed? Maybe a combination of the two.   For the life of me I don’t/didn’t understand why he needs to know how much I weigh so bad. He and I were going back and forth for about 20 minutes until I decided to do it.  I jumped on the scale and let him see. (Mind you, I hadn’t weighed myself in over 3 weeks bc I know that I had not been adhering to my plan since Thanksgiving. I knew that I had regained some of the weight I lost.)  I WAS HORRIFIED! I weighed in at 187.4 lbs!  The part that bothered me the most is that my boyfriend is a foot taller than I am and he only weighs about 30 lbs more than I do.  He didn’t say much, he just looked at me. 

Later on in the evening, he made a couple of comments nothing too bad just jokes.  Jokes, which I didn’t find funny because he knows that I am sensitive about my weight.  I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night but this morning I have a different perspective.     I’m glad that I weighed myslef in front of him bc now I feel like I have something to prove.  I am motivated more than I have been in a long time.  I should not be ashamed of my weight, I don’t want to be ashamed of my weight.  I want to be able to get on the scale and not care who sees the  number.